her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
