Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
