it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Randomize
