I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
