false alarm. still invincible.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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