I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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