She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We talked him into tasing himself.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
