she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
