So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
