Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
