I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
