tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
