coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
