what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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