i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
