Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
