so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
