Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Dick very happy bro
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
