I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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