my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
