She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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