Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
