I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize