She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
you had me at cake vodka
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
