Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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