so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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