I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
