Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
