My liver just broke up with me...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize