Someone shit on the floor
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
