This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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