Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
