If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
