I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
