it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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