i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
