Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
