pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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