Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I could make wine with my vomit
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
