It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
