Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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