You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
