this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
