i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
