just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Holy sore nipples Batman
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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