I'm eating all of the evidence.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
