I skipped work to stalk him.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
