We won't sleep together?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
