her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
