I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
