the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
