the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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