Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
