I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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