enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
