I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
