JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
and she was petting her beer can
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
