honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
