Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
