Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
