Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
