just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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