I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
