What tipped you off? The sombrero?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just invented taco cereal.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
