i just wanna soil my oats bro
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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