forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
