he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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