Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
