My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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