u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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