party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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