i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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