i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
