i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
40s are totally the cure
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
