I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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