Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
