Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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