My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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