You're completely useless in the revolution.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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