I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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