Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
