wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Randomize
