I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
