It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
