I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
