Michael Bay diarrhea
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
