i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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