I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Randomize
