just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
