You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize