apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
