We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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