So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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