It's like God shit irony all over that family
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
