forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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